Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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