i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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