um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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