Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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