just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
