you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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