why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
