god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
