I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
