he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
