you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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