Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
