NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
