The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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