Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
