You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
