cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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