i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
