Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
