I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
