I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
