i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
