Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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