I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
