I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
