What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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