I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
