After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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