genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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