I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
