Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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