Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
