he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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