just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
