Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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