is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
