I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
