Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
