woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I need to calm my uterus...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
