you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it glows. i had to have it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
