he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
