I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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