I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
