like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
