the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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