who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
