If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
