how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
