My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
