There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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