I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
