Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
