hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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