lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
