you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
